New Poll Shows Apathy Toward Washington

Recent Poll Confirms: Both Parties Full of Shit

A recent Kaelin Institute Poll confirms what many of us have been thinking for years and may create now shockwaves through Washington. The poll, conducted over the course of the last two weeks, which covered almost 10,000 Americans from 25 states, had conclusive results. Of the respondents, about 30% considered themselves conservatives, while another 24% considered themselves liberal. No party affiliations were mentioned.


Results were staggering, yet not surprising, according to Morris Hopwood, Senior Fellow at the Kaelin Institute. “While the responses were interesting, I can’t say we were all that surprised. The general notion that politicians of all allegiances are less than completely honest has long been a belief not just among the wackos on both ends of the political spectrum.”

A whopping 81% of respondents said that politicians in both parties are “Completely Full of Shit” as compared with “Mostly Full of Shit” 14%, “Not That Full of Shit” 4%, or Not At All Full of Shit” 0%. 1% of the people asked responded that they “Did not know”, which is pretty asinine considering its just their opinion. These are probably the same kind of people who sue McDonalds when their coffee is too hot.

Mr. Hopwood is slow to place blame for this overwhelming feeling in the nation, but did relay to us that this is not a new phenomenon, just a feeling that is growing throughout the nation as political posturing has increased in both parties as the Democrats are trying to take over the country using healthcare, energy policy and global cooling, and the Republicans are actively trying to figure out who the hell Ron Paul is, while backing the proverbial bus back over the Democrats every chance they get.

Where has this tone come from amongst our politicians? Mr. Hopwood calls it the “He did it!” effect. “Its like when you were a kid and anytime something bad happened, you pointed at your sibling and yelled ‘He did it!’ before your parent or teacher could even know what was going on.”

This is the result of years of political pandering, kickbacks, earmarks, and lobbying, where the goal is simply- play defense, blame the other guy and make it to the next election. Where does it all end? At this point nobody knows, but you can trust that PedanticPolitics will be on the front lines when we find out.