John Boehner Looking for the Right Length on Health Care Reform

Let's begin today's post with a clip:



That's House Minority Leader, John Boehner (R-Ohio/The Biggest Asshole in America) a few months ago trashing the Democratic plan for health care reform because it's too long. No, he didn't make the case that there weren't any great ideas in it, or that it was too costly, or that it wouldn't work - just that it was too damn long.




OK, too long? Too complicated for you Johnny? Fine, how about we flash forward a few months and have a former president of the Harvard Law Review give you a Cliff's Notes version of it, so your tiny little Republican brain can understand it? Say...11 pages? Can you handle that Johnny B.? Can you get through 11 pages?



Ohhhhh...too short now! I see, too simplistic. As your spokesman mentioned on Tuesday, it's shorter than a comic book - and what kind of simpleton would reduce one sixth of the American economy to a pamphlet shorter than a comic book?



Hmm...this is getting confusing. What is it John? Too long? Too Short? Forget to take your Ritalin this morning?



Well, alright, maybe I'm being unfair, how bout we do what you asked us to in that video up above and visit your website to learn more...



Well, son of a bitch John, just as you said, there's a link right at the top of the page to your plan - good work champ. Let's see...let's open this PDF and see what you've got to say...certainly the Cliff's Notes version of your plan will be more than 11 pages long, right?



Hmm...something's wrong here, John, did you happen to count how many pages the summary of your plan posted on your site was you dumb fuck? Did you John?



Well, in case you didn't, it was ONE. One fucking page! And in all honesty, it isn't even really one full page - you had to come up with some bullshit chart, which appears to be pulled out of thin air with zero citations or references, to fill out the bottom eighth or so of your ONE PAGE FUCKING DOCUMENT!



So, what's the problem John? Are you some sort of retarded Goldilocks? Or are you just a slimy, lying, sleazy, fully (tanning bed) baked, so-called leader of a political party that has no moral compass and is solely guided by its hatred for a former president of the Harvard Law Review who just so happens to be the fucking President of the United States?



Oh, and P.S. Mr. Boner, while we're on the subject of length, maybe if you and some of your GOP buddies (and Hillary Clinton) had a 1,990-page plan on the table before invading Iraq things would have worked out a bit better for us over there. What do you think asshole?